Tears and tantrums

Raina woke up at midnight screaming. When Mummy Hannah went into Raina's bedroom to look in on her, Raina was out of her bed (first time this has happened). She did go back to sleep and woke up again at 05:30am. After some tag-teamed Raina supervision, Raina and Mummy Hannah had breakfast at 7am. Raina was more challenging today from the off. When I told Raina it was time for the toilet, she refused (normally, she will come trotting along to go to the toilet when asked). She refused point blank (gave her a second chance - this was also refused)so I carried her to the toilet. Cue melt down. Raina was very upset, she was lashing out and said "for F's sake!". I asked her to repeat but Raina did not; she must have realised from the tone of my voice that this was not to be repeated. I left her to calm down for a few moments, then followed a "sorry Mummy", the explanation from me about why she needed to do as I asked and then another sorry and a hug to finish off. We took Mummy Ruth into town and dropped her off (admin tasks were visiting the Job Centre and sending the Child Benefit application off recorded delivery) I took Raina to the park for a while. We were the only parents and children in the park as it was still quite early. We had fun together and it was all going well. Then Raina decided she wanted to run off. I asked her to stop and she kept running. I asked again (firmer voice), she kept running. Repeated request and she turned around to look at me and stopped (briefly) then carried on. Needless to say when I caught her up, I put the reins back on her and told her we were leaving the park. Cue meltdown. Eventually she calmed herself down, said sorry and tantrum was concluded. When we got back to the car Raina and I had a good chat and she said "Nana's house?". I explained we weren't gong to Nanas house (Foster Carers mother) and we sat together and talked about the rest of the Foster Family. She asked for the photos we have of them and I told her that I would get them for her when we got home. I confess I was a bit tired out; so I drove the extra long way home in the car because it kept Raina calm and quiet for a bit. I neednt have bothered as once we got home, Raina was due a toilet visit. Cue identical melt down to this mornings - swearing included. Eventually she calmed down and all was well. This afternoon we met up with Mama (Mummy Ruth) and we all went swimming together for the first time. This was a lot of fun and Raina seemed to really enjoy it, as did we. After swimming, Raina and I went home together and Mama went off for an appointment at the hair dressers. The afternoon was one long series of melt-downs; Raina is clearly very angry with us for leaving her Foster family and I really felt her anger today. I know she feels guilty when she does things wrong; but doing something wrong gives her a chance to let rip with tears, shouting and screaming (which must give her some sense of release). We both just use the same technique of waiting for her to calm herself down a bit and then having a hug and explaining what aspects of her behaviour are naughty and why. She says sorry and we hug. Move on. Raina asked me about her Birth Daddy today (first time she's asked) and I explained that he lives somewhere else and that I am sure he misses her. She likes looking at the photos of the Foster Family and going through everyone's names. I also think this got a bit much for her today as she asked me to take the photos and put them away from her. Raina asked to speak to her FC on the phone again. I explained that we could do this but not today..... Tonight we debriefed together and analysed what happened and why. We are so thankful we have each other; not sure how single adopters cope without having that other special person to share this stuff with and to help each other. Each time Mama came back to us she spoke to Raina about her behaviour especially the toilet avoidance and swearing. She also backed up whatever I said to Raina out of her prescence - that way Raina sees that we are an open talking family. Hopefully encourages her to talk about her feelings. Bring on Todd Parr. Raina was exhausted by bedtime and I'm not surprised!! We are looking forward to tomorrow and a new day!!