Wow! It's been a longtime since we've been on here. Probably also reflects on how we have been feeling about the adoption process. Since starting PAC we have not had any Home Assessment and the time to Approval Panel has increased by 2 months.
By the end of August we were feeling the feelings that others that have gone before us had experienced - lost, confused, sad. We even started questioning ourselves as to whether or not the Local Authority we are with actually really supported us and that they were not just going through the process to only finally tell us 'No'.
These feelings were finally laid aside today when I met with our Social Worker. Still really weird when we say 'our Social Worker' as those were definitely a set of words we did not think we would ever utter after hearing it so many times from past students and clients. Anyways....
I have had 3 wonderful sessions at PAC and can now look back and appreciate the 'intrusion'. I have now had the extended conversation with my parents about adopting and it was again not as bad as I thought it would be.
Some of you will recall that I only came out to my parents last year August and now I have sent them on a fast roller coaster ride to the news of adopting. In fact some of you were only recently told too so can probably empathise with them. Well it went a lot better than I thought. I now understand that adoption is definitely not the key issue for them.
PAC gave me extra confidence to have the conversation and to explore the different consequences. They even helped me to realise that ‘adoption’ is not foreign to my family. That really baffled me and my face must have been a picture as PAC waited for the penny to drop. My dad had two sons before meeting my mum and I remember them living with us when in Nigeria and their children call my Mum ‘Grandma’. So although not official like UK process my mum adopted my older siblings many moons ago.
Don’t get it wrong my Mums reaction was upsetting but my want to start a family overrides this feeling and I started thinking oh my word the Social Worker wants to meet them and ask them about how they feel about my relationship and adoption!!! That sent me to panic mode and believing that the Local Authority we are with will not accept our application. Hence my meeting today with our Social Worker.
In short my fears (Hannah did not have the same fears - in fact she said I was being silly) was put to the side and apparently it is okay for parents not to be in agreement (I can say obviously now). All we have to explore now is how we will protect ourselves and our child/ren from the sense of loss. I mean I appreciate that sometimes when children come along peoples views and feelings change but we are talking 56 plus years of Nigerian traditional views. I think the next step for me is to explore how I will get on with my life with the understanding that my parents (once adoption as gone through) may not be involved. Bring on PAC.
On a good news to leave you with….Our Social Worker today (26/09/2011)uttered the following words:
‘colleagues are asking how you two are getting on.’
‘I have seen a few children that might be a match for you both and I asked their social workers to hold onto them.’
‘Once PAC is finished I think we should double up our sessions so we can complete the assessment and go to Approval Panel in January 2012.’
