First conversation with the Foster Carer

We have just finished our first conversation with our potential 'daughter to be's' Foster Carer! From here on in we shall refer to her as 'Raina'.

We had prepared a list of questions on paper in advance to help us in case we got caught up in the moment.  We were both quite nervous but after 30 seconds on the phone we realised we needn't feel any nerves; she is clearly a lovely woman and has done such a great job over the last year and we found ourselves chatting away from the start like we had known each other for ages! As soon as she started to describe Raina she used words like "friendly, bubbly and happy" and suddenly it all started to feel real.  This woman was describing a little child who at that point was asleep in her home and is our potential daughter. 

We talked for about 45 minutes as she recalled lots of funny and cute stories and described some amusing personality traits, saying that Raina is a "real character".  She described her as a really funny child, full of affection for the Foster Carer and her wider family and liked by everyone who meets her.  

She reassured us by saying that she can't foresee any big problems with the placement, except possibly disturbed sleep when Raina moves in, but that is something we are expecting to happen.  She helpfully recounted lots of practical tips for managing behaviour and situations and we have a good idea of the routines she is used to. It is great that the Foster Carer is so willing to share her experiences to help us. 

She said that Raina likes to have a bath, brush her teeth and wash her hands!   She loves Mr Tumble (this is going to be a whole new world for us!) and chart music. If there is a party; she is centre stage of the dance floor busting some moves! She eats everything (curry, roast, pasta, vegetables and fruit and chocolate!)

The Foster Carer described how sad she herself will be when our little girl leaves her.  We get a sense that when Raina is gone there will be a 'hole' in the Foster Carers', and her wider families lives.  Thankfully, she sounds experienced in this and told us how Raina "really needs a family" and that securing permanence is her motivating force.  We told her that everything we have read or been told has said that the little one has thrived in her care and for that we are extremely grateful. 

So tonight we feel like we have taken a step closer to our child and know her a bit better after this wonderful conversation, with this wonderful woman.  We have been reassured by talking to her that the Foster Carer is going to work hard behind the scenes to try and make the placement a success.  She is 100% focused on Raina and ready for the introductions to start and for them to spend as much time apart; so Raina can begin to get to know us and vice-versa. She told us that we can call anytime to ask questions and said that once the little one is home to call her anytime of the day or night. 

Wow, we are both pooped so will have to sign off for now

Hannah & Ruth

Going for matching panel!

Two weeks ago we had a meeting at home with a little girls SW, the Local Authority 'Family Finding' SW and a 'Link' SW (our own SW was on holiday).

We started the meeting by asking them how she was developing.  They told us that she is healthy, she eats well (everything!) and sleeps all the way through the night, she is not toilet trained.  When she was initially placed with her Foster Carer she was a bit 'manic' and had a good number of tantrums (normal for 2 year olds?!?!)  but they told us that she has calmed down a lot and the tantrums are less frequent.  She can sit still and concentrate on an activity.  She really loves to listen to music and to dance.  She was described as a 'girly girl'; a lover of all things pink!  The SW's lit up when they talked about her and described her as being a really adorable child.

She lives with other chidlren in the FC home and she has formed strong attachments with her carer and the other children.  They told us that she is still having contact with her birth parents and that a 'farewell contact' is planned for coming weeks.  They told us that the BP's want direct contact after she is placed for adoption.  We are very open to this, but thinking about how this will work / when it will be is difficult for us.   It's great that she is able to form attachments but I instantly felt sad for her because moving from her FC's into a placement will be more losses for such a little child to have to go through and make sense of.

We had prepared a little fact sheet for the SW's containing lots of information about how we felt we could meet her needs on the big issues; (permanence, contact with her Birth Family, cultural heritage, attachment, trauma and future development).  They seemed impressed by what we had to offer.  They asked us a good few questions, mostly around our plans for Adoption Leave and our support networks.  They asked us why we wanted to be matched with this child - we simply told them that she seemed to be the right child for our family and that we can meet her needs, plus she was the only profile we had read that left us feeling that we wanted more. We showed them around the house and they all seemed very happy with the possible options for her bedroom and liked the garden space outside for playing.

Then they sat us down and showed us two recent photographs.  We had seen two photographs, dated when she was 14 months and another when she was 17 months old.  She is now 31 months so it was good to see a more recent photo.  She is beautiful. They showed us a few short video clips on the laptop, about 10 short clips taken on the SW cameraphone.  She was smiling, happy, chatting away and watching music videos on the TV (she has a love of RnB) and clearly knows what she likes and what she doesn't!! She did a cute little 'leg wiggle' dance, at which point  we all started laughing!

They left us and we both felt that we were 100% clear we wanted to go ahead, but we needed to think carefully about some big issues e.g. contact etc.  We waited a couple of days to hear back but they had all agreed that they wanted to go for a match with this little girl and this was confirmed at the LAC meeting the following day.

So, this week we have been completing various things for the matching paperwork to be submitted on Monday.  We have read the Adoption Support Plan and the Adoption Placement Report and yesterday everything was finalised, so we are set for matching panel on May 8th!

So much to get our heads around, having felt like things were moving slowly, since we were approved just a month ago, we are going to matching panel!

Until next time

Hannah & Ruth x x x x