The next step; Home Study / Assessment begins

So once the Application Form was submitted, we were allocated a Social Worker.  We were happy that it was a Social Worker who had been running the Preparation Group too.  It helped to put us at ease as it felt like we already knew her a little bit and also that she had a basic idea about who we are and what we are about.

April 2011 was a big month for us.  We had a two-week trip of a lifetime to the US, bought ourselves our first car and began our assessment with our first social work visit!

We were very nervous about the first visit and it wasn't helped by both of us suffering with jet-lag!!! Despite this, we were running on adrenelin and our Social Worker helped to put us at ease. We discussed the process again so we were clear about what we could expect and we also began to work towards getting the information needed for the Prospective Adopters Report / Form F.  We began by covering things like our individual family tree's, previous relationships and our relationship together.
It felt like an odd way to 'get to know' our Social Worker but it didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable.

Since our first visit we have had two individual meetings.  In these, we met seperately with our Social Worker and discussed our life journeys, including earliest memories, childhood events and strengths and weaknesses or our relationship together.

Recently we had another visit at home and this is now a total of 4.  We are expecting there to be at least another 4 and may be looking at completing the assessment by December 2011.

This feels quite scary, we are putting our faith in our Social Worker to guide us through this process.  The process, is quite rightfully a full analysis of our relationship together and of us as individuals.  You cannot overlook any aspects of your personality and implications of this on us (as a couple and as individuals) and on any potential children.  We know the implications of not getting this completely right do not bear thinking about.....we are both happy to go slowly and explore each issue or hiccup fully.  Each visit makes us feel envigorated and more confident about our capacity to parent and be considered "good enough" at panel and, in time, by our child's Social Worker in the matching stage.

By embracing the process we are also becoming more focused about what our limitations might be as adoptive parents (e.g. caring for a child with a disabilty, a child who has foetal alcohol syndrome or a child that has experienced sexual abuse etc).

Onwards and upwards.....

Next step; Preparation group...

So after the initial visit from Local Authority we were assuming we would be included in a Preparation Group in September 2010 and then in December 2010.  Sadly on both occasions, they were cancelled.  On reflection, we were excited and apprehensive and then disappointed in equal measure.  We know now that this is something we are going to have to get used to and need to expect as prospective adopters / adopters.

We went along to the next Preparation Group in January 2011.

It was a three day course, run by the Local Authority.  There were 13 of us in our group and we were a real mix of people.  We were the only lesbian couple, but there were two gay male couples within our group, so it helped us to feel at ease.  The content of the course was very thought-provoking and we covered topics such as;

• Attachment with adopted children
• Backgrounds of adopted children
• Contact with birth families 
• Explaining to a child that they are adopted

Probably the highlight of the whole process for us was hearing from an adult who was adopted as a child, a mother who relinquished her child at birth for adoption and also an adoptive parent.  Their stories were amazing and we left feeling that our knowledge and awareness around adoption had increased, we left with the application form in our hands.  

Starting point.....

So here we are.....
We are going through the process to become prospective adopters.

We have been together for just over 4 years and have always talked about children being a part of our family.  Neither of us had any maternal 'urges' to have our own birth children and adoption was always our first choice.  Over the last few years, we have been working towards this, buying a house together was the first step and then getting some financial stability.

Things began to move forwards when we saw an advert for a Local Authorities Pink Campaign.  We decided to go along and find out more about Local Authoritie's campaign to recuit more gay and lesbian adopters and foster carers.  It was an inspirational evening and really gave us the motivation to begin the journey with this Local Authority.  They had some great speakers and we chatted informally (whilst sipping champagne) to another mixed race lesbian couple who had a child placed with them already.   Their words were left ringing in our ears....."your young, both female and being mixed race, they will be biting your hands off to approve you."

It certainly gave us a lot to think about and we were contacted a few days later by the Local Authority.  Two social workers came to our house and visited us for an initial meeting which went really well.