Saturday 21 September 2013

A strange place....

Our Social Worker came around this week and we have started an assessment with her again.  We talked for about three hours, mostly about how we would parent two children should baby come to live with us.  We have to reflect on our parenting styles, support network and our strengths as a couple.  It's like going back in time, but this time it feels different, as we are not having to prove ourselves in quite the same way.  It's strange welcoming our social worker back into our home, having said goodbye and thinking that chapter had closed, to have it opened again.  It took real resolve not to smile to myself as she showered us with praise, about her belief that we could parent two children; having been in such disagreement with us on this point throughout our first assessment and even to the matching panel. BUT we wouldn't change our Social Worker because her insight meant we got Raina and this has led to a may be sibling (ok I will voice it here "our daughter") 

So we have more waiting to do.  No further news this week with regards to the legal process for baby. 

This week we also took Raina to see her sister again for contact the Foster Carers home.  We spent some time chatting with the Foster Carer.  We did some more baby care, including feeding and changing Lily.  Foster Carer was pleased to see us and to have a rest in the armchair.  Lily has been waking up in the night every three to four hours.  Lily looked different from last week, she looked less like a newborn, the face was less squashy.....amazing that she can have changed so much in only a week!


Thursday 12 September 2013

Meeting and Squeaky Giraffe!

Hello,

It's been 10 days since we heard about Raina's sibling.  Well this whole set-up is just crazy and things couldn't be more different from how they were when we went through the process to be linked and matched with Raina.

We have been in commmunication with our Social Worker, or siblings SW most days, who have been forthcoming with information. (Difference Number 1)  Things feel to be moving along quickly. (Difference Number 2)

Today, we visited the Foster Carers house for Raina to be able to meet her little baby sibling.  This was a very odd situation and if sibling hadn't come along and been living there, it's unlikely we would have ever taken Raina back to the house.  We were worried that this could be retraumatising for Raina, but she had asked to go there and meet her sibling, so it seemed like she felt comfortable going back. When we walked down the street to the house, it brought all the emotions of matching and introductions flooding back.  Mummy, Momma and Raina all agreed that they felt nervous and excited (and sick!)

At the house, Foster Carer greeted us at the door and kneeled down for Raina to give her a hug, which she did. Momma went into the house and through to the living room, whilst Raina asked for a toilet visit.  It was weird being back in the bathroom for me, where we had started toilet training our daughter 17 months ago.   Memories started flooding back to me and I realised how much I love Raina.

Then I took Raina into the front room, introducing her to her baby sibling.  Raina was very sweet and caring, touching her gently. Momma asked Raina if she wanted to hold Lily.  Raina gave a hug and it was a very wonderful moment to be introducing her to her sibling.  Raina gave over the present she had chosen for her Lily.  Raina stood a while taking it all in and then started playing with the Foster Carer.  Raina seemed very relaxed and played with the Foster Carers grand daughter, running around the house together giggling, like they last saw each other yesterday, rather than over a year ago.

Momma and I took it in turns to hold Lily.  Momma did a nappy change and we both bottle fed. We have agreed to meet in a couple of weeks again.

Social Workers have all agreed that these visits can go ahead and that they have no problems with us meeting up in this way. We cannot allow ourselves to become attached personally, we must remain focused on contact for Raina's benefit.  The  Local Authority have not yet been to court and been able to secure a Placement Order.  This means that Adoption for Lily is not happening any time soon.  They are completing the reports required by the court at the hearing, but this can take some time.   Once this comes into place (thinking positively) we know that there are no other prospective adopters being considered, they would want us to move ahead. Until we know the legal bits are done; this is rather like a dream.

This unknown is stopping us from completely relaxing and enjoying this moment, but we are finding it hard not to start getting attached to the amazing, perfect new born baby we met today.

Hannah & Ruth


Thursday 5 September 2013

We're back and there's news!

So we found a rhythm to life; then we got a  a bolt of lightning.

On Monday we heard the news that Raina's Birth Parents gave birth to a baby just under four weeks ago. This is Raina's full sibling and Monday  was the first time we had heard any of this news. 

As you can imagine, we went straight into shock and have continued to be shell-shocked ever since. This is why I felt compelled to write an entry here, as our blog was always a place of sanctuary for posting our adoption related thoughts.  We don't want to mention anything to our families as we are not prepared for the questions; to which we have little by way of answers.  Also it may come to nothing...

We are so surprised but more than anything else we are left with lots of questions.  Fortunately, over the last two days, we have been lucky to have been given updates from social workers about her progress and her situation. She has been discharged from hospital. We are told she is doing ok. In a bizarre twist of fate, she has moved to Raina's last foster carer to live under an Emergency  Care Order.  This is strangely comforting for us, knowing Raina's tiny baby sister will be well looked after.  

At the moment it seems there are no answers to the questions about 'what happens next'. As we are unsure about the plans for this child, we have held emergency 'family summits' to discuss what, if any involvement we envisage with Raina's little sister. We did not hesitate to write to social services and state our interest in adopting this child, should (and its no guarantee) a plan for adoption be decided as the best course of action. Failing that, we indicated that we would like direct contact between the siblings, feeling this would be in both their interests. 

We are now planning the best way to let Raina know she has a sister, as this feels like something she needs to know. Being able to let her know that she's staying with the foster carer that she loved so much might help any fears she might have about her and her safety. 

Moving forward, we may need to explain that she is living with birth parents (if Social Services deem them able to look after her). This is what we feel will be hard; explaining to Raina how they could 'change' for her sister; when they couldn't for her. Ouch. That would really hurt. 

So anyway, we are in a strange place and what's more the completely unexpected nature of the news being  totally out of the blue, has left us shell-shocked and rational thinking is very hard. 

We've got so many questions and various scenarios would have the potential to change all of our lives. 
For now we are just trying to be glad that Raina has a full- sibling. Someone who she is genetically linked to; who shares her story; and could be a connection to her birth family when me and Momma pass away. In a nice way; she's not alone anymore. An odd concept, considering she doesn't even know she exists yet!

I've just read this back and although it sounds like the rumblings of a mad woman; I actually do feel slightly calmer for the cathartic process of having written this post. Thanks for reading. 

Will keep you updated. 

Hannah and Ruth